Friday, July 30, 2010

Hiding In? Or Merely Dipping Toes?

It seems that I have not been hiding in the Sovereignty of God as much as I had thought I was. It seems rather that I was just dipping my toes into the magnificent waterfall that is the inconceivable power and wisdom of God.

It is a terrifying thing, completely other-worldly and like nothing I've ever experienced. The fury of the falling water is so loud that it takes my breath away. It is overwhelmingly clear that these are dangerous waters, yet they are also strangely inviting. The message was delivered to my heart without language and it echoed through the corridors of my heart, "Come away with me." I tremble at the fury, yet at the very same time I long for more of it. Fear grips me so tightly that I cannot even speak and in the same moment I am drawn so sweetly that I cannot back away.

The beckoning resounds from deep within the heart of the raging waterfall. I cannot resist. Why remain content to have wet feet when my entire body and my very soul longs to be soaked in and surrounded by this majesty.

Years of walking in the sinking sand of the idea that I was in control have left me weary and almost completely unable to trust. Yet the feel of the quicksand beneath my feet deposited some deceitful comfort in the notion that I have at least some level of control.

The choice is so crystal clear as to make any deliberating completely foolish. Who would continue to dwell in the sinking sand of self-wrought control when there is a massive rock upon which to gain an unshakable hold. Yet this immovable foundation is only found deep behind the unending waterfall.

My thoughts are engaged in combat with each other. On the one hand I can remain here in the familiar, and on the other I could charge head long into the depths of the unknown. An illusion of security in this land where everything and everyone sinks into oblivion, or an unfathomed security in the midst of the everlasting explosion that is the absolute sovereignty of God?

Eventual oblivion in the land of the forgotten or eternal significance found only by beholding and ever enjoying He who alone is eternally significant? Is there really even a question?

How could it be that I would abide one more second without throwing myself into the waters? What is it that keeps me at bay?

It is decided; or rather it has been decided. May all the days perish when I imagined that my life would be best secured in my own hands. Having let go of everything, in order that I may truly grasp everything, I close my eyes, hold my breath, and charge violently into the furious downpour.


Brian G. Hedges said...

This may be the most moving post you've ever written.

Unbreakable Joy said...


I questioned if I should even have posted it...

But thanks for the kind words.